I feel like the OW is my MIL now. See things as a challenge not a hindrance. As the police pulled up they asked me what I was doing. Ah yeah we tread so lightly and handle those timid, sad, little, forest creatures so tenderly. Im not sure when or if that will ever truly go away. I should have gone hardcore straight out of the gate (NC and legal) and I feel I may have had a better chance to turn this around. Your best is absolutely enough. Thats rejection and we are hard wired against rejection to avoid rejection. Besides IT JUST COULDNT BE. Satori There are others here as well that have moved on whom I miss and learned so much from. My grandfather had abandoned his own mom years before along with all of his brothers and fortunately, he and his brothers were a tight-knit crew. I am not the addict, my H is. Of course he wants out, especially if you are in debt. She showed no sign of caring if I left. My guess is he actually likes your dominance whether or not its true. I still have my regular job but this is my passion. My son and I will become stronger from this. He dreams of him, but not everyone succeeds in creating their own family. Im new to this forum so just getting familiar with a lot of the regulars. And then you have to greet hubby, go shopping, and many other far from festive concerns. They arent. If things were great and we are hot or nice or a great whatever, then why did our spouse turn into a CS? its good to know that something do minor gets him twisted b/c it is one less thing he can torture you with. It will get better. She went and sat on our front porch. I really believe she was sussing out the financial/legal stuff. H changed tack and said we dont have as much in common. Im like, well all I did was support your passions (sport, preferences etc) you dont support mine at all. Thank you for your wise words. STOP DOING THAT. Chit chat small updates about family. But in the meantime you cannot let him wear you down and destroy everything you have worked for in the process. I just dont get the feeling that my H is interested in, let alone ready for, R. Hard work? At the beginning of this nightmare I tried to be there for my son-in-law, who I love dearly, as well. I know that you make a great positive impact on many people out there. He is acting like a child. Hes going to be fine. Anyone who had an impact during his/her formative years. However, having so many alternatives expresses the need to settle on what you have and try to make the best of it. Which says everything really. And neither the nanny nor the nannys mother knew that he was sleeping with both of them. This is a question to myself and I do not have an answer since both narcissists and non-narcissists engage in family and spouse abandonment. Went through a similar situation. Kind of Alien vs Predator ultimate combat where OW vs American Psycho battle which takes out two villains since that would be a duel to the death and the world is infinitely a better place accordingly. Ill wear bitch proudly compared to cheater. He doesnt like losing and he knows he lost you. But sex??? Keep breathing and KNOW you got this. He is not capable of making decisions right now and it could be true that this was his exit A. My H did that for a long period of time during R. Until one day I snapped and told him it was his choice to cheat and stop saying we. I love the topics they choose. I did it twice and traveling alone is great for soul searching and putting into perspective you will be just fine without him! Staying calm and one day at a time etc. I told her that so maybe she can no longer play that card. She is having her cake and eating it too as they say in cheaterworld! Every woman and man out there should have a financial spreadsheet that details all monthly bills owed, all credit cards, and bank accounts, investment funds, and anything else having to do with finances. Awwww. But I love the honesty and rawness of TH too. I recently told him that the A was one piece of the pain but kicking me to the curb (practically) is a pain even worse and deeper. Grieving and dealing with pain and isdues takes courage and strength. He was caught between a rock and a hard spot. This world tells us to seek vindication and justice but forgiveness is the only way to true peace. And if he hates losing control of things that will irk him to no end. She was a complete stranger, a totally different person who became selfish and cruel. No. Theres a big difference between being an asshole and assertive. You are incredibly strong to pull through all of that. I treated him with kid gloves. Then Ill be business emails only and NC going forward. FURIOUS. We are finished. Every woman and man out there should know where the money comes from and goes to. financial incompatibility (money disagreements) substance abuse. He is doing more stuff around the house lately unasked, he even expressed an interest in talking to my mother the other night, which he hasnt done in months. I know it was for me. Her husband-to-be, the evil Count Cagliostro, manages to capture her and force her to comply to the marriage.However, during the wedding ceremony Lupin comes to free Clarisse and both flee which turns Clarisse into a proper Runaway Bride. Good luck with that. I accused him of being all words and doing nothing to make amends. My husband had an affair in his 30s I called that an MLC. The things they do! As part of the plea bargain, a misdemeanor charge of filing a false police report was dismissed. He is playing pity games but I am NOT buying it. I am sorry this has happened at a time when you should be happy and joyous with your new baby. Hed just rip the rug out from under me. Since my circle of trust is so small he has no info about me at all, so he is coming over to take the temperature. I stated months ago I believe there is another cultural layer to your story if infidelity. We jump from stage to stage. And yes I cried every day for years over this whole thing. This is all since DDay. Change the PW on your joint accounts OR take money out and put it in an account in your name. Put your well being first. This in about two weeks from when he left me. What a crock of bull on the unhappy for years statement! PuzzledI hope this helps you just a little bit.its just such an intolerable place for a mother to be. And yes a post-nup is in order. She also started running to get in better shape (she has always hated running). I love LOVE your Skank Fever def! I stopped in a dive biker bare at 12:30 and found a phone book. Hi Satori 1. The screenplay, written by Sara Parriott and Josann McGibbon, is about a reporter (Gere) that is assigned to write a story about a woman (Roberts) who has left a string of fiancs at the altar. Again! Thats when the affair ended for good. Omg. She is a classic gold digger, super manipulative. But tell him your intention is not the problem here. Seriously NC like I hope he doesnt know you are going kind of NC. After her husband told her he was leaving, he turned into a person she did not recognize. If I find one I use it. Or at least there are overlapping qualities. I just dont trust anyone atm. He keeps saying no to R. I keep checking and then present him with (as I call it) the price of freedom which, since he wants it and I dont, is very heavily weighted to what I want in a D BTW that is rather a mouthful.just try saying it out pound a few times Lol!!! Im glad to hear you have planned a get-away. Wise words. By now he is all sad sausage again and quiet, looking at me kind of expressionless is the only way to describe it. H: Ive got nothing. And I know no one presumes the film to perform bad. But i WAS right. And today received the nicest loving-est text from my H I have had in 6 weeks. Try not to let it. Although this kind of act rather characterizes the unstable character of the one who despaired of it. Try to bring a couple of ..remember when.. to the date. Statistics show that one in 10 brides may refuse a wedding at the last moment. I was eerily calm and asked 3 questions. So I confronted him and said choose. Selfish but typical Cheater behavior. Most of us are very private about the infidelity and often have to walk though our daily lives as if everything is fine. Eight months huh? And the timeline is not linear. Lol my MIL was thrilled at my h and my impending divorce. The reason I was given is they never really sorted out her cheating ???? The closest I came was a couple months after R he had to get a colonoscopy. Yep I went in. Not well at all. At DDay2 I was furious and stopped playing the kind supportive wife. I felt like I totally blew it. She came over today (with a bottle of champagne) to let me know she wants to be friends that she loves me and misses me. I get it. And chickens are coming home to roost ie consequences are beginning to sink in. Youre a good man. Maybe she will be an ally, or maybe not. But the internet is no place to be so sensitive. And not doing things like TFW and I did to protect ourselves in the future. Not sure I need to hear I didnt mean to hurt you as Sandra Bullock said in The Blindside (appropriate title) Orange is not in my color wheel. Thank you for your encouragement. Book club and volunteering and charity work and my job etc. Yes, that is absolutely true. Thanks again for your kind words.you guys are the best!! So I guess that is the closest I will get to remorse. And he now admits he will always have guilt about that choice and the damage he inflicted in me/us. TH R is hard. Simple and makes perfect sense. You get very smart about yourself and people. Or, Satori looks like she is ok without me etc so the interest is only ego-based. Luckily the business owes me a small amount of money so Im going to start my new little personal nest egg. Im glad you are keeping your circle small. Suggest a payout # that is a not more than he is worth. No worries about wearing out your welcome..in the quiet hours is exactly when one needs a place to come to. They really are not themselves. It did to me. Even though he said it is over with OW and not a live thing anymore. They have a lot to lose. It is so arrogant. and for the prayers and positive thoughts. The other blogs etc that Ive seen are sites contain good info, some are forums but if youre not 100% sure then they can seem overwhelming. What about meeting up with girlfriends for dinner or a movie? Im still considering that as an option, just wanted to see how the next week plays out and if she is still in touch with my H. You cant Whatsapp your way out of the federal court system here! All kidding aside, theres still hope if you want it. How f**k can anything somehow justify an A? Id like to think H has waylaid his moral compass but there is the scary thought that maybe this IS his moral compass. Im glad you are here. He can Google how to fix a M after infidelity and tons of advice in all forms will pop up. Most of all, the monster swore on the Bible that there was NOT another woman and yelled that he was not that kind of man. Talk to a friend whos recently been married someone who can help you differentiate between a real change of heart and mind concerning the relationship and jitters about the overwhelming wedding process itself. Thats something I have been afraid to look at deeply. Not age, not FOOs, not success or lack thereof, not flabby tummies or ED. But, hopefully mother and daughter were wise enough to know he was the problem. Yes lovely TryingHard. UGH. Good. There is an underlying criticism a whiff of DIL should have been a better W and maybe H wouldnt have strayed. My husband just abandoned me, I have a 9 month old baby, and I think Im going crazy, I feel pain in every part of my body Along with prayer is wusfim to become very educated about what youre dealing with as far as his mothers character or lack there of. and/ or (b) she is trying to look supportive to me to try and get info from me. So I called him on it. He started shouting at me all these figures and things that he had decided were in my advantage. I am however sorrier for your son. And then he leaves you and goes home and the OW takes over. TheFirstWife, my H is a fool who has made some terrible choices. TryingHard, just realised the nothing to work with was your comment. Here is a thought and i have noticed this with my son and sibling. It felt manipulative and not genuine. BSA, Thanks for your response. She has been distant the whole time showing little affection and behavior that she loves me. Start realizing you are an independent person dependent only on God if you are a Christian. My change in attitude was like a bucket of water to his face. Really? That should drive home a lot to him. It would help if I felt my H was truly remorseful rather than blaming me for the mess he created. But the money focus already makes me feel like Im not even second choice, more like the third choice. Why does he want to kill himself when he can finally have an out in the open relationship with Schmoopie, akd The Queen of Sheeba? Its very hurtful. To be clear though, this rule was about detachment and letting people just be rather than taking them on and bringing up any faults in them that she perceived. Groucho Marx. With Marital Abandonment Syndrome questions go unanswered, working through it is off the table, and the wayward spouse becomes a complete stranger. wearing black, covering mirrors, sitting shiva etc. Check out our runaway bride selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our shops. Just wish some kind of rare form of cancer on her. I had a suspicion that may have been the case a few days back. They are all very worried. More like last. The lawyer is very good, he is highly regarded by peers. The 180 is not for him but for you to distance yourself from him and his drama. She said he is driving her nuts and almost hung up on him. Im glad you had a mantra. How to make a lighthouse, crafts for the New Year from flower pots? And I called my family the next day and told them we were divorcing. Most everyone here has a great message. So, my spiritual coach said Im too strong for H (fighter vs flighter check!) As long as we are on the bible there are many places where we are commanded by God to divorce the unrepentant adulterers. Me: Its not up to me to tell you, how should I know? Ive thrown that much rope into Hs black hole or onto his little boat that is adrift. Do something to get your focus on you and your healing. Focus on you and your well-being. I highly doubt she is condoning his cheating but thats just my opinion. ?and you will never trust me which is crap as I told him I have no intention of policing him and his whereabouts and trust is given but it has to be honoured. Case in point hes with you and says YES to MC but 24 hours later he changed his mind. The trauma of watching someone you love change before your eyes and not being able to do anything about it is horrific. Again I vote beach. Hardly. Now let him chew on it for a while. Stop trying. When he arrived his manner was cold and distant. I love my potty mouth and everyone elses too. And no MLC is NOT the same across all cultures. Life without him. I agree completely that one person cant do all of the work for R. It has to be a joint effort. It was like dealing with a seven year old. Great post Puzzled. He cannot just leave without facing the music and supporting you and your baby. But slowly we can make it through. Never. Satori. Does that make sense? Asarrrggg. Then if you D there is no guilt in that area. Its hard not to think about the labels (sociopath / BPD / NPD ? H: I dont know what to do. He said hed like to try again, but he changed that tune within 48 hours of saying it. Anyhow, hope youre all doing well on what is now the count down to Christmas (can you believe it?). Maybe the wise thing to do is start your own blog where you have total control over everything and can pick and choose your members. Thank you. It has to be THEIR idea. Such a load of crap. We understand the sting of betrayal and the confusion it puts into our lives. The runaway bride case concerns Jennifer Carol Wilbanks (born February 28, 1973), an American woman who ran away from home on April 26, 2005, to avoid her wedding with John Mason, her fianc, on April 30. My CH decided that his plan would be to tell me at the end of the summer what he wanted to do. There is a real danger in blindly following the advice of someone just because they have also been betrayed. Sarah. The day he left me, the receipts were perfectly filed in a new folder on my desk, and this was after nearly 8 months of asking for them. SatoriLOLOLOL nah too much work. Other times I wonder if I was projecting all my own values onto him. Satori Is this stuff written down somewhere?!! Anyway during that time we talked a lot and I encouraged D. I told him if he didnt want to stay faithful to her then D but not cheat!! I have Xero software etc etc. For the past 6 weeks or so half the time my husband is clearly at the age of 12. Not much to work with Im thinking. Sheesh, I dint know about you but diagnosing my husband is above my pay grade. I could not stop. He would be trying to reconcile if there was no back up plan, I just think he is frustrated because his plan hasnt worked and now he is in a tight corner so he is playing the sad sausage role. Im sure you are exhausted. Well leave the door open but dont open it all the way. I figured out he was playing me. It may seem like a game and maybe it is. I think it takes sheer determination and strength of character to get through your spouses affair. "I call it the runaway bride syndrome; that's where business owner, at the end of the day, isn't really ready to sell," he says. Now Im really thinking about everything, I realise it has always been about his relationships with his family as a priority and that is not healthy when youre in your early 40s and married! Keep plugging away every day. I understand you straightened him out with regards to your husbands cheating but being a family friend are you certain he is out for YOUR best interests? I just called my husband to come home after telling him what I found..I was scary calm. P.S. Im worried when I do see things laser sharp I will really lose my mind hence the clinic option, but maybe Italy, a new hot Italian guy and a ton of pasta would be better. Not even kidding!! The article on grief TH posted for you, says it all. Im working on getting more sleep. Reasons to be cheerful! During his A I had to deal with a death in my family (very unexpected), my job issues (which were escalating), trying to get my hands on $ b/c I was afraid he would leave me financially struggling, my teen Child and their abusive BF/GF relationship, PTSD and being saddled with the house and mortgage without the $ to keep me afloat until the house would sell. Thank goodness for the internet. 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