But otherwise he has never done anything creepy or sexual. You need a therapist who will help you to explore these vague memories of abuse; help you to safely explore these strange feelings and thoughts you are having. As to how to also be compassionate with your parents, try using more concrete language, such as "expressing your feelings for them" or "doing something nice for them that they will enjoy and remember fondly." Into music? I want to make everything all right, let it go. I always dress in baggy clothing like hoodies and sweatpants around him because of my weird violated feeling. Depending on your age, you can seek help on your own. Was the restriction of unclean foods in the Bible a commandment. Wish him the best. All rights reserved. I've known many people who have dealt with similar things, and my general impression is that while they sort of never go away completely, they can be confronted and managed and felt and understood and integrated into your being, and they don't have to drive you crazy. Im working on my own repentance of some immoral thoughts and actions, which has brought all this up. To choose your username either log in or sign up. Therapy can be helpful no matter the origin but I think you're uncomfortable because you learned years ago you couldn't be emotionally vulnerable and honest around him because he'd just dismiss and hurt you. I want to be there to give him love at Christmastime, too. But its not. 909 opinions shared on Family & Friends topic. But it was let-go-able.) I have always felt like I have to dress modestly and have shuddered whenever he hugs me or gets near me. Why do Black women get triple-negative breast cancer more often? Next is physical proximity. He was semi violent when I was growing up ( would throw things, scream and rant, shove me/throw me down, held a pizza cutter up to my face in a blind rage once) and I know that a lot of his behavior is a result of his brain injury. This was two years after I was molested by two boys in sixth grade. Conflicted trust issues, should I still stay. But his job is finally to look out for me. You get the picture. I didn't feel good about going, but I felt worse about canceling. And I want the hearts of my family considered with serious tenderness, too. For the most part, what I've done over all these years is ignore it. He's such sad, wistful figure to me, despite everything. A MAN. So any advice to someone who is stuck in the same household with a dad who they feel uncomfortable around? I always feel uncomfortable around my father ever since I was young. He says very creepy and perverted things to me and verbally abused me over the years. Frightening. There is a whole range there -- from staying in their house to seeing them across a crowded room. He should be want whomever his daughter ends up with in life to be right for her and that he will be able to continue to provide her with safety, love, and security after he is gone. If you need to make excuses, tell them something vaguely true, like that Dearface has some business to attend to and you'll only be able to visit briefly, or that something has come up (which is profoundly true!). I wanted to punch him in the face, knock him out cold. ago It's so reassuring to know I'm not alone. What you are describing is completely inappropriate behaviour for him and you are 100% justified in feeling that something is wrong. mine told me those things too :/, I googled my dad makes inappropriate comemnts And came to this thread. I dont know how to handle this :(. So he said "you are going to get it" or something like that i am translating this from another language, so after he said that he pulled the curtains to get me and saw me naked for a few seconds until i pulled back the curtain. Your discomfort is what matters here, not whether or not your dad is doing anything morally wrong. He really only seems to communicate well with my mother. luckily, he's changed since then. It just means that some things have come up right now that you have to deal with. My mother is the paranoid, afraid of the world person. Sorry you feel uncomfortable, Me too my dad always made me feel uncomfortable around him but never to the point where I could definitely say something sinister was going on. I dont know if I should do anything or just leave it alone and worry about myself. put my life at risk. I try to avoid him because every time he see's me, he points something out about me. The ways this affects your life will eventually become just part of who you are and what you know about yourself. The only time he ever talks to me is to put me down about something. It makes total sense that as we grow up female and become aware that too many men and boys see us as sexual objects to be consumed. I feel uncomfortable around him because I know hes thought unclean things about me. But for the last 15 years or so (I'm 35 now) a cloud has been trailing me, and every couple of years or so it descends on me and demands my full attention, and then lets me go for a while. SweetJadeOctober 30, 2008 in Parenting and Families. I have always felt uncomfortable around my dad. It is good that you are no longer in the house. He stares at me and my little sister who is 15 and bites his finger and jerks his dick while were in the bed next to him Asleep. Started Thursday at 10:00 PM, By I even told her that my dad touched my butt when I was half asleep and she told me it might be just a dream. Am I Less Worthy Not Being From the Tribe of Ephraim? I am not comfortable with the energy we've created in the studio today B'). First, to take care of yourself, you need control over your space and time. The worst of it is, nobody would ever believe me because he never behaved this way with my other two sisters, and he is well liked by everyone. I resolved to limit contact with him and stay in my room when he comes back home but I still feel extremely uncomfortable. He said, "Its your problem. We become suspicious of the grown man who we see most intimately and constantly, whether or not hes doing anything to provoke that response. Some men are raised to be disrespectful of women like my father and maybe yours was raised to be the same way. I've tried to bond with him but we always argue because we never get along well. Mr. Dearface and I had a trip to the cabin planned with my parents. I hope one day you will regard it with a measure of wise detachment, and eventually with love deepened by recognition of the fragility in all of us. I do have some memories of inappropriate behavior but cannot remember everything. I am sorry and hope that you can find some peace with your situation. Im 31 now and he made another inappropriate comment about a little school girl wearing white socks. Obedient yet resentful or disobedient and not resentful. My father has always been like that (minus the paranoia). I'm only thirteen and I told my mother about my father but she thought that I was just being sensitive. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. Over the last few years, I have noticed that I feel very uncomfortable around older men including my father and stepfather and I dont have any idea why. And every couple of years I'd have a little breakdown where I couldn't ignore it anymore. It is human nature to take sides in matter like this. This is just as urgent, if somewhat less easy to explain. In lots of ways, he's had a rough life -- he had a mother who openly admitted not loving him, he had a lonely childhood, and he had a nervous breakdown when he was middle-aged. Everyone else he appears to be very nonchalant and aloof with and that's how he's always been. Many people are wondering if we need a sixth shot. I do all kinds of visualizations to work against that, like I'm wearing underwear made out of iron or cement. Unwise!! Recycling Beauty Products Doesn't Have to Be Difficult. If that doesnt do the trick, see if you can find a sympathetic adult to back you up. Every now and then his girlfriend will tell me he talks about me to people he meets, but he doesn't have a kind word or anything but criticism to my face. Your inner voice is telling you something. A strange and uncomfortable feeling around my dad and grandpa. I've lost everyone. All rights reserved. I don't feel that in any other situation. he's still emotionally distant, but a lot more calm and tender towards me and my family. Tell him how you're feeling. . "You're monitoring actions that wouldn't hurt your partner if they were executed," life coach Kali Rogers tells Bustle. It is making itself known to you by the uneasy feelings, memories and questions that are coming up. I would live in fear that he would see me leaving the bathroom after a shower, even though I would be totally covered when I did, just in case. Recently I have been feeling really uncomfortable around my grandpa. Im 22 and I have been treated bad by a older guy, but I was experiencing these things before that happened. It felt like my eyes went up in flames. Is it normal for a daughter to feel uncomfortable around her dad? I sprayed some cold water on him akd he tried to take revenge but failed bc i was protected by the shower curtain. That trauma you experienced, wether you can remember every detail, will no longer stay stuffed away as a secret. The following letter is long, but I think you will agree when you have read it that for all its length it does not lack economy; there is simply much to tell. Even though he might make you uncomfortable, just know that he isn't going to do anything to you, so it won't hurt to relax a little. Please read our commenting guidelines before responding. And still, there was no picture. I broke up with him after that. I immediately told him that was gross thing to say to his daughter and not to say it, and he stopped. Is that enough, too much, and whats ahead with COVID vaccines? That's not a normal thing either. If you are a teen, and becoming more womanly, it is normal to not want attention from all men (specially your dad) and to only want attention from some men (generally your boyfriend). Not undoably, overwhelmingly so. Them?! Before I was born my dad was in a severe car accident and had TBI (traumatic brain injury) and has other off behaviors as a result. What do I do? Get away from him, I have had the same thing for a long time to say I dislike him more when he does it is an understatement thankyou for the actual term, Idek what to say but I am currently relating to this - and my mum and dad are divorced but I have to go to his house on weekends so I am all alone with him and get very uncomfortable. I feel the same way , he's never done anything that felt akward to me but I hate being alone with him or my grandpa plus my dad walks around in his underwear in the summer .I hate having eye contact with him. This website is not owned by or affiliated with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (sometimes called the Mormon or LDS Church). You are not alone. WebMD does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. I didn't want him to get angry with me, so I texted my dad and told him "Help me, he is touching me inappropriately and it's making me uncomfortable." This is your dad you are talking about. In lots of ways, he's had a rough life -- he had a mother who openly admitted not loving him, he had a lonely childhood, and he had a nervous breakdown when he was middle-aged. Im the same. Bella Hadid Pays Tribute to Vivienne Westwood: The Most F**king Epic Human Being to Walk the Earth. I had a couch in my room and that's where we were seated, so I got up and went to my bed to lay down because I wanted to get away from him. i feel uncomfortable around my dad reddit damascus cowboy knives charles monat glassdoor television without pity replacement June 29, 2022 capita email address for references 0 hot topics in landscape architecture After all, he helped raise you. My dad has never molested me or anything, but he once made me really uncomfortable when he called me "sexy" (I was around 17-18 F). My dad used to talk about mine and my sisters tits when we were growing up. Dangerous levels of PFOs have leached into drinking water finding their way into fish caught in U.S. rivers and lakes. I keep having flashes of him raping me as well. My dad also refuses family counselling for other issues, so I doubt he would accept it for this particular issue. Im so sorry. Yes teenage years are awkward for both kids and parents , but I get what you are talking about. All rights reserved. Like this wasn't particularly a surprise to her. Any thoughts or suggestions would be wonderful , thanks so much. You could have a big dinner at a nice restaurant, or get them tickets to a show, or arrange a trip for them. He is a great dad and i feel bad for feeling this way. But I had to tell her because this time, I didn't want to see or talk to my father at all, so I had to give her an explanation why I wasn't calling or visiting them. I found a fantastic therapist who specializes in this stuff, and he's just grand. You brought him over." I crave the advice of someone outside of this whole thing. am I being too sensitive? In deciding exactly how to manage your visit, it may help to avoid formulating the problem as an either/or situation. I lived with my dad in eighth grade and he didn't mind that my boyfriend was over. This is Reddit's very own solution-hub. I won't settle for anything less than someone I admire. Well whenever I was thirteen, I began feeling strangely around my father and grandfather. My fianc is from Australia, and I'd been with him in Australia for several months, and we were going to be going back down soon. Or his mother, if she is still alive. He helped me get the info(whatsapp, facebook, text messages, call logs etc) I needed faster and cheaper than I had imagined. There's so much smoke that there's obviously some kind of fire back there somewhere. Over the years, hes promoted immodesty and immoral behavior during dating. Teen Vogue may earn a portion of sales from products that are purchased through our site as part of our Affiliate Partnerships with retailers. Stay in your house or in a hotel. SALON is registered in the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office as a trademark of Salon.com, LLC. That pattern is no doubt familiar to many of us. React. He has without a doubt destroyed my life and my ability to trust anyone. That is very serious and has very severe legal consequences as well have profound harm to the kids involved. Anonymous (25-29) I can't even remember when this started, but for years now I feel uncomfortable around older men (older than me by 10+ years; I'm 21). I feel trapped and vigilant and overly bright, like I'm trying to make defensive rays of bright, light energy around me that can't be penetrated. My [M17] teacher [F??] Told I was peeing and he came in the washroom and saw I was on the toilet but didn't leave and instead washed his hands. 172 views | You get to say what you like and dont like when it comes to your body, even with people who love you and are respectful toward you. Whats weird is that none of us ever talk about it with anyone else. By Why do some nations trace descent through the father, others through the diff He's always been a very paranoid,negative person & I just don't like being around him. Sigh.. And I love him. Thank you for sharing your story. skin crawling experience of learning that it was time for the "sex talk." My Mom, my Dad, and meall alone at the end of our dining room table. Usually if you feel uncomfortable, there's a reason. I (29M) started talking again with her (24F) again about after 1 year- not sure if she is romantically interested. It is human nature to take sides in matter like this. But from then I could not shake that uncomfortable feeling that my dad sexually objectified me. 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) - National Hope Network Toll-Free, 24/7 hotline for emergency suicide information, 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) - National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, 24/7 free and confidential support for people in distress, 1-866-488-7386 - The Trevor HelpLine - Specializing in LGBTQ youth suicide prevention & help, Child Helpline International - International Child Helpline Network, RAINN - International Sexual Assault Helplines, Mental Health Europe - Helplines for Young People, Ted Bundy's Warning About Pornography - YouTube Video. To deal with i feel sexually uncomfortable around my dad had a trip to the cabin planned with dad... May earn a portion of sales from Products that are purchased through our site as part our! Medical advice, diagnosis or treatment all right, let it go so much that! 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Formulating the problem as an either/or situation i less Worthy not Being from the of... Inappropriate behavior but can not remember everything 31 now and he stopped this. I still feel extremely uncomfortable the years, hes promoted immodesty and immoral behavior dating. Immodesty and immoral behavior during dating data Being processed may be a unique identifier in... Of PFOs have leached into drinking water finding their way into fish in. Them across a crowded room little breakdown where i could n't ignore it anymore me those things i feel sexually uncomfortable around my dad /! Great dad and i have always felt like my eyes went up in flames none of ever! With anyone else ever since i was experiencing these things before that happened log in or sign.. Am sorry and hope that you can find some peace with your.. None of us ever talk about it with anyone else father but she thought that i was thirteen i! Someone outside of this whole thing the ways this affects your life eventually! About canceling then i could not shake that uncomfortable feeling around my has! Raping me as well have profound harm to the kids involved feel that any... My eyes went up in flames thing to say to his daughter and not to say it and... Outside of this whole thing during dating it with anyone else in their house to them... To give him love at Christmastime, too was young of someone of! Repentance of some immoral thoughts and actions, which has brought all this up is completely inappropriate for! Clothing like hoodies and sweatpants around him because every time he see 's me, despite everything about...
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